The Weirdness Of My Fellow Survivors

Today is day 4 (?) of my survival. I took it upon myself to adventure on foot to the gas station about 2 miles from my house to scavenge for some beef sticks and gasoline for the boyfriend to mow the lawn with. The yard around the base is coming together pretty awesomely if I don’t say so myself. I personally tore one my flower beds up to plant some vegetables in. I now have a nice mini-garden that is LITERALLY right outside my door. Thus making it an easily defendable source of food.

Back to my journey to the gas station, what a weird flippin’ walk that turned out to be. Wow. Okay so for starters I went through the woods because there is more cover and plenty of objects to use for weapons. (Also because it is a hell of a lot shorter than walking down highway 131.) I came out of the woods into this huge, over grown field and as I was approaching the end of it near the road I got stung by a bee. I bolted out of the field swatting at my legs frantically in the middle of the road only to discover that I ran out in front of a car full of survivors. They looked at me with my huge backpack kit and my empty gas can (which had be discarded in my flight from the bees…) like I was totally nuts. I smiled and sort of laughed as I ran back out of the road to get my gas can. They drove off and stared at me out the back window until I was out of sight. Pshh. I bet they don’t have a Zombie Sizzle Survival Kit.

 So I continue down a second path through the woods and emerge at the Meijer gas station. I filled my little red can with gas and went inside to pay. (I pretended that I hand-pumped it and as much of it as I spilt all over myself I might as well have.) I grabbed a Jamaican Jerk Beef Stick and bottled water before heading for the register. As it is Memorial Day the place was packed with survivors and the lady running the register just happened to notice that there was nobody at pump “2” but there was gas to be paid for. She starts panicking!  The people in the line all move towards the window and look out into the parking lot and I am like… “Hey! It’s okay! That is my gas.” The lady rounds on me and confronts me about moving my car before paying. I inform her that I walked and I didn’t want to pay at the pump. Then she notices I don’t have the red gas can inside and asks me what I put my gas in. She was kind of pissy about it too.

When I left the gas station after my encounter with my odd fellow survivors, I started out for the woods. I took about 15 steps and this poor toad jumped out of nowhere right as I was lifting my foot. I smoked him and he went flying into the brush. At least he won’t become zombie food. Or survivor food. I had my beef stick already so I was content.

Walking down 131 a survivor in a small SUV, maybe like a Ford Escape, asked me if I wanted a ride. I am generally wary of other survivors but she had 2 little wiener dogs and seemed nice so I jumped in. As soon I was in I realized I should have kept walking. She informed me that she was heading for Grand Rapids and was documenting her entire journey. In exchange for the ride she was going to need to take my picture. Huh. I was totally creeped out but had little choice but to agree. She dropped me off at my base and promptly declared that I had no car. (Which I don’t!) She than grabbed an old style digital camera, and snapped an awkward photo of me with shaking hands. I smiled, sort of, and ran through the front doors of my base. Weird people. How did they end up as the survivors anyway?!

P.S
I would like to and an ammendment to the Kit List. If you can get your hands on a pair of those bright pink, elbow high, kitchen cleaning gloves... do it. Just take my word for this one.

P.P.S
You know how in Zombie Movies the girls always have super tight, skimpy clothing on? Well. I agree with that completely. Just walking through the woods the branches were grabbing at me and slowing me down. Imagine what the undead could do with all that leverage!!

Get hip! Get a kit!

Today is day one of my 30 day “survival” from the zombie apocalypse. Deciding on the items to put into my emergency kit was not as easy as I thought it would be. Having to take into consideration the region I live in, I had to adapt my original idea a little bit. My local infestation is hitting in late spring. (Yesterday was Day Zero!) Living in Northern Michigan in late spring means a couple of things. Yes I can plant a garden in my base but NO I won’t have anything to eat from it for the first 30 days. Yes I can pack water, which is heavy should I need to abandon my base but I am surround by fresh, clean water. Why pack it at all? Keeping that in mind… I have a list for Zombie Sizzle’s Official Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit. 

The obvious:

Water bottle

Batteries

Flashlight

Candles/Lighters/Matchbook

Small first aid kit with antibiotic cream (Okay so if you get bitten by a zombie this won’t help, but if you trip on broken glass while you’re running away… well. You get the idea.)

Simple, high calorie snacks

Sharp Knife or Blunt Baton (To be carried on your person. Not in the pack. Also, should you decide to rock out a pack only for mock-apocalypse… no weapons.)

The Less Obvious:

Multi-vitamins (These are light weight and 2 weeks into a shortened food supply, you’re body is going to be using up a lot more than just your stores of vitamins!)

Copies of your Birth certificate, drivers license, bank accounts etc.

Coffee Filters (Why these? Because should you run out of fresh water, you can use these to filter some dirty water. You can dehydrate in 3 days!)

A map (Who do we call when we don’t know which way to go? The map! Say Map! Say map!)

Light jacket or Hooded Sweatshirt

Deodorant (Don’t scare off the other survivors!)

Small Ziploc bag of Lysol wipes

Small Ziploc bag filled with various sized Ziploc bags and a few pieces of tinfoil

Starter kit of seeds

A few pens

Some blank paper

All of these items should be kept in your “travel pack” to take out scavenging. This should leave room for tradable items you are taking from you base and for items you pick up and scavenge along the way. Make sure the backpack you chose is very comfortable and as light weight as possible. Don’t short change yourself on space though. If you need to abandon your base in a hurry or find you can’t return because it was overrun with the undead while you were out on the town, you don’t want to be screwed without your essentials.

You should have a “base” kit too. Keep this one at the house (or whatever building you have converted to your defensible needs.) This kit should have “convenience” items. You’ll want to keep antibacterial soap, small towels or washcloths, a large towel, a sleeping bag, two weeks’ worth of canned goods, stores of dried goods items that are high in protein, calories, and carbs. Also you should have a battery operated radio, back up supplies of batteries and an extra flashlight, a few unscented candles, binoculars, extra vitamins, Gatorade powder, pain medication, something to read, a deck of cards, a journal, a utility knife, one hammer, one screwdriver, nails and screws, and a tarp. If you’ve ever seen The Boondock Saints… bring some stupid, effing rope too.

This base kit should be kept in a large, plastic storage box. Why? Because if you have to abandon the base and you have enough warning you can put it in a vehicle or move it out of the base where you can come back to scavenge it later.

Okay. So you have your kit. You have your base kit. Realistically you’re a fat, lump sitting at home playing video games and watching late night TV. How are you supposed to go from this cushy lifestyle to travel worn, ruggedly lean and ready to run survivor? It is going to start with cardio. Take your car keys and hide them far, far away. In fact… you could pack them in your home kit. Start walking. Walk to work. Walk to the store. Walk to mailbox! I don’t care where you’re going you should be walking there. Is it raining? Grab a hoodie and cover your travel kit with something water resistant. Is it windy? Put your hair up or wear a hat. Are you whining about this already? Better prepare to be moaning for brains when the world falls to pieces. If you can start walking than you can start running.

Walk the first day. On the second day run (with your kit on!) at least for 30 steps whenever you can handle it. On the second day run for 50 steps… etc. Eventually it won’t matter if you’re walking to scavenge from the store or running from a pack of cannibals. You’ll be ready!

The Beginning of the End.. or something.

Have you ever been sitting on your couch, munching on some snacks and watching a zombie movie when you realized, “Oh shit. If the zombie apocalypse happened today I would be so screwed!”? That is what happened to me. Although, TECHNICALLY I was watching the History Channel:  After Armageddon.

Content until now to eat snacks and survive life, I decided it was time for a change. I picked up a few rules to use for my 30 day challenge and this is how I plan to chronicle it. Rules of the game are as follows.

1.)    If it has to be kept cold, cooked with a stove or microwave, or is imported… you can’t eat it.

What this means to you (or me as I am the one doing it…) is that I can only eat things I would likely be able to scavenge on my own after society comes to a limping, moaning, halt. This includes:

                Canned goods

                Dried fruits and nuts

                Crackers

                Granola Bars

                Beef Freakin’ Jerky!

                Twinkies (Go Go Zombieland!)

                Etc.

I’m sure you get where I am going with this. As a true fat kid at heart, I doubt I could survive even the zombie epidemic without some junk food at least every once in awhile.

2.)    If I have to use gas to get there, I guess I am not going.

This is going to be the hardest rule for me to follow. With the exception of when I have to take my kids somewhere, I don’t plan on driving. This will also mean that if I can’t fit something in my backpack, I really don’t need it. I’ll be walking to and from my house to my work, to the store, to the bank, to wherever I want to go.

3.)    Unless I am blogging, I’m not going to use my electricity.

Well, I am not using it to an extent. I still need to shower for work and cook for my family who will not be joining me in my zombie lifestyle. This still means that I will not watch T.V. and I won’t be on my Facebook! (AHHH!!!) And in this joyful Michigan weather I won't be using my heat at night or my A/C during the day.

4.)    Pretty sure you can’t get your hair did or your tan on in an electricity free, zombie infested world.

No highlights for this girl. No fake-bake either. Eyebrows (my most frequent beautification money sink) are out too. I guess I am learning how to tweeze.

5.)    Make the Kit… Fit!

I am buying a supplies kit. Well, buying what I need to build my own supply kit really. Things I will need should I not have common conveniences at my daily disposal. Basically what this rule means to me is that if I didn’t pack it in my kit from day one and I can’t “scavenge” it from local trade. I don’t get to use it. That brings me to my last challenge rule…

6.)    Local Commerce… the original superstore.

Yeah I am still going to go to work and get my money. Obviously my entire community is not going to join me in my zombie experiment. However, I think that after the dead are walking around eating brains and breaking through windows causing terror, survivors will be forced to trade with people they encounter for goods and maybe even services. We have a decent farmers market here that I plan on taking full advantage of.  Also, I have been working on starting a garden of my own. I figure I can grow veggies at my “base”. I like veggies. And since I can’t use my stove, I will be eating a lot of them.

Feel free to follow me during this journey. I’ll try to keep my posts as frequent as possible. If you have any zombie-rific suggestions for me to apply to my experiment please let me know! I will be taking suggestions and emails through my blog only.

See you out there. (Or not if you were one of the unfortunate non-survivors.)